This quote about adoption is one that has always stuck with me:
“In Adoption, a child is not GIVEN UP.
A birth mother GIVES life, a child a family, unconditional love.
She GIVES a part of her heart- that will never feel whole.
She GIVES another mother a part of her heart that was always missing.
An adoptive mother GIVES a life and family to this child
She GIVES unconditional love.
She GIVES a part of her heart to another mother.
You GIVE a lot, you just never GIVE UP.”
Where to start?!
Adoption is an incredibly complex web of interconnectivity. There’s those of us who have adopted a child, those who are adopted, and those who have given life. There are those who are deep in the darkness of infertility and considering adoption to build their families. In sharing with others about our adoption paths, we can be met with a lot of questions, doubts, support, assumptions, and biases. And well, let’s face it, we have our own; it’s just part of this process and is part of being human.
When we were chosen by our beautiful birth mother, I vividly recall family and friends’ incredulous comments about how could she bear to ‘give this child up?’ I couldn’t blame them for asking, admittedly, I was thinking the same thing. All I could see was my overwhelming desire–no, a need–to be a mother. It was hard to fathom her needs and desires at that time. I cannot speak to the loss I know she endured. She chose life for my daughter when she had another choice. She chose to give life. I can affirm the gift that she gave me.
This woman chose us, and she gave us the most selfless gift I believe anyone could ever give another person. She truly gave me back a part of my heart that was missing, and I know in so doing, a part of her own heart. I always tell my child that she was born from my heart. I tell her how much her “Tummy Mummy” loved her. I know that I will always have a piece of our birth mother’s heart here with us and that her gift not only changed our lives forever but indelibly changed hers. I want our birth mother to know that she also has a piece of my heart as well. I could never put into words our gratitude or feeling of love toward her…or to my daughter.